little uncoventional

i had a mini-epiphany a little bit ago while i was supposed to be doing my homework assignment.

wendy was teaching me how to bread pork tonight. wow, i know. but i dont know how to do it and im willing to learn. so thats what i was doing becasue it seemed way more exciting at the time than writing my intro to corinthians. and i was thinking about life, about pork, and homework. ands i thought, there must be more. is this all there is? cooking, eating, homework, school, routine routine, vomit, please no. staring at the wall...it's beige....wondering, where is jesus in all this. where is he right now? what is he thinking about me thinking while im staring at this beige wall? and then i realized that i try way too hard to make jesus real instead of letting him be him. i mean, i think i want him so badly to be real to me that i think waaay to deeply into things. but thats the way i think sometimes. i mean, for example, Paul. he's a tentmaker. and then part-time he goes into synagouges and preaches. i often forget about the tentmaking part. what the heck is going on in his head the whole time he's making those things? gee, this is fantastically fun making these tents. i sure hope this tent treats a family right. or does he think deeply about life? i wonder if he ever wondered why he was making tents. I wonder if he ever got sick of it and asked his friends..is this all there is? But then again he was getting beaten up, shipowrecked and all that jazz in his spare time-so he must have known something i dont-or understood something i cant at the moment.

sometimes, all i want to do is stare at a wall, beige or not, and wonder about things. about the meaning behind everything. sure, it hurts my head sometimes. but i cant live life just doing stuff. and yet its one of the greatest battles of my life. sigh. sometimes i think it sounds way more dramatic to say 'sigh' instead of sighing. wendy syas it depends on what kind of reaction you want to get. maybe she's right.

sometimes, instead of doing my homework, i think of terribly witty things to write on my blog.

oh, and for the record-i have an incredibly hot friend (who happens to be my soul sister) in goergia whom i miss terribly. brianne, thanx for letting me pee with you on the phone. it is a rare breed that allows me to do that, and that liberates me. thanx for freeing me tonight babe.

i think its time for a little more corinthians and a little less bloggage.

sigh.

and for the record, im confessing here and now that i watched opra for an hour today and had a moffets song stuck in my head. yeah...thats right. i dont know whats happening to me.